Life Lately: Junk Journal #412

Happy New Year.

Day 5

You know those moments when everything in life feels like it's happening at hyper speed, yet somehow in slow motion too? That's where I am right now. Two days away from my Real Estate Exam (yes, TWO DAYS – my heart skips a beat just typing that), and here I am, setting quarterly goals and reimagining my entire professional identity. To say I'm juggling would be an understatement.

I wouldn't call myself Miss Sunshine and Rainbows – that's just not me. But there's this quiet strength I've found in embracing both the highs and lows of this journey. Those bursts of confidence? They're like unexpected life preservers, keeping me afloat when things get choppy. And lately, things have definitely been choppy.

Between diving into "Nice Girls Still Don't Get The Corner Office" (which, by the way, is completely revolutionizing how I see office dynamics) and obsessively watching House Hunters as my mental escape hatch, I'm in this constant state of evolution. It's funny how a show about people choosing houses has become my comfort zone. There's something soothing about watching others make life-changing decisions while I'm plotting my own. Each episode sparks these vivid daydreams about creating the perfect space for my daughters – a place where their laughter can echo through halls we can call our own.

Speaking of my girls – they're my North Star in all of this chaos. When my mind starts spinning with career strategies and professional development plans, their smiles ground me. They remind me why I'm pushing myself to grow, to learn, to become more polished and strategic in my approach to work. It's not just about getting ahead; it's about showing them what's possible when you refuse to fold, even when anxiety is breathing down your neck.

I find myself constantly returning to the drawing board, sketching and resketchin my future. Each iteration brings new insights, and yes, sometimes new uncertainties. But that's the thing about growth – it's rarely comfortable. I'm learning that being present and engaged doesn't always mean having all the answers. Sometimes it just means showing up, doing the work, and trusting that each small victory is building toward something bigger.

As I prep for this exam and map out my quarterly goals, I'm focusing on creating systems that stick. No more haphazard attempts at professional development. I'm talking about real, sustainable changes in how I approach my work, my time, and my relationships with colleagues. It's about building a foundation that can support not just my dreams, but my daughters' futures too.

Is it overwhelming? Absolutely. Do I sometimes feel like I'm caught in a storm of my own making? You bet. But there's this determination burning underneath all the uncertainty – a quiet knowing that even if the path isn't clear, I'm moving in the right direction.

For now, I'll keep balancing my corporate aspirations with my House Hunters therapy sessions, taking each day as it comes, and reminding myself that it's okay to be a work in progress. After all, aren't we all?

Note to self: Revisit this post in three months. Let's see how many of these carefully laid plans actually stuck, and how many took us in completely unexpected – but maybe even better – directions.

You ever have those nights where you're scrolling through your phone at 1 AM, knowing full well you should've been asleep hours ago? That's been my reality far too often. As I sit here, wrapped in my favorite blanket with dark circles under my eyes that could rival a raccoon's, I'm having one of those honest conversations with myself.

Sleep isn't just some luxury I can keep pushing aside. It's funny how we treat sleep like it's negotiable, isn't it? Like somehow, we're rebelling against the system by staying up late, when really, we're only rebelling against our wellbeing. My body's been sending me SOS signals – the afternoon crashes, the triple-shot coffee dependencies, the brain fog during lectures. Message received body. Message finally received.

But it's not just about sleep. It's about all those promises I keep whispering to myself in the quiet moments. The blog posts I draft in my head but never write, the study schedules I create but don't follow, the self-care routines that remain more Pinterest board than reality. With the new semester lurking around the corner, I feel that familiar knot in my stomach. You know the one – that mix of excitement and dread, possibility and panic.

Three months. That's what I have ahead of me. Three months that could either be a repeat of last semester's procrastination circus or something different. Something better. I'm tired of being that person who starts strong and fizzles out by week three. The one who has to pull all-nighters because "future me" can handle it (spoiler alert: future me is not a fan of past me's decisions).

Maybe the real challenge isn't about making grand promises. Maybe it's about showing up for myself in small ways, consistently. Going to bed 30 minutes earlier. Writing for 15 minutes each morning. Reviewing notes right after class instead of convincing myself I'll remember everything later.

This isn't just another New Year's resolution destined for the graveyard of good intentions. This is me, recognizing my worth enough to keep the promises I make to myself. Because at the end of the day, that relationship with myself? It's the longest one I'll ever have. It's time I started treating it that way.

Here's to less procrastination, more sleep, and keeping promises to ourselves – not because we're perfect, but because we're worth the effort.