Entry 3207:
Second Quarter: Life has this funny way of being both the coach and the referee in the world's most chaotic sporting event: my thoughts. If my brain had a fitness tracker, it would think I'm running ultramarathons in my sleep. Allow me to take you on a guided tour of the hamster wheel I call my mind.
The spectacular thing is that while I'm mentally rehearsing conversations that will never happen, life keeps unfolding in ways I couldn't predict if I tried (and trust me, I've tried). Just when I think I've calculated every possible outcome for a situation, reality throws in Option Z—which wasn't even on my exhaustive list of scenarios.
But here's the plot twist in this comedy of errors: I'm actually learning something through all this mental gymnastics. Each time my brain runs its elaborate simulations of "What could go wrong?" and "What if I said this instead?", I'm accidentally discovering what works for me and what doesn't.
THOUGHTS become THINGS
Good News!
Things are shockingly possible
Bad news: Time Flies
But here's the ridiculous thing I realized while ugly-crying to Avant's "My First Love", I've been treating possibility like it's rationed. Like there's some cosmic committee reviewing my application for Dreams I'm Allowed To Pursue, and they're definitely going to reject me because I once abandoned a Duolingo streak after three days. Like Girl get it TOGETHER.
The good news—the shocking, almost offensive news—is that things are actually possible regardless of whether I believe I deserve them. The universe doesn't check my worthiness scorecard before allowing me to start things. Success doesn't require perfect past performance.
The bad news is that time continues its relentless march forward while I'm testing how long I can marinate in self-doubt. My twenties evaporated while I was busy wondering if I was qualified enough to chase what I wanted. Now I'm watching my thirties tick by in the same holding pattern.
I've wasted so much time thinking I needed to earn the right to try.
Here's a humbling realization: my self-doubt isn't actually sophisticated self-awareness—it's just garden-variety fear wearing a fancy outfit. It's not protecting me from anything except the possibility of finding out what I'm capable of. Time's going to pass anyway. Might as well spend it discovering what's possible instead of convincing myself that I need to be different before I'm allowed to begin.
Today In my room
Right now, I'm waiting to be late so I can start rushing. Is it working well under pressure, or is it self-sabotage?
And honestly, my bed is my most functional relationship at this point. We spent ALL of yesterday together. I had grand plans to meal prep and finally organize my closet, but instead I built a nest of snacks and pillows and watched four documentaries about cults. Was it productive? No. Was it glorious? Actually, kind of?
But I can't spend today the same way, no matter how tempting. Because here's what's becoming painfully clear: my time management isn't just about productivity—it's about respecting my own life. Every time I wait until the last possible moment, I'm telling myself that I don't deserve the dignity of a process, that my work isn't worthy of patience.
But first, I really should order that snail serum. Future Me deserves nice skin, even if Present Me is still figuring out how to show up for her.
Until next time, Me
So those who don't know, I attend community college for an Associates in Health Information Technology. It's been a mostly ass, followed by some learning.
SUMMER CLASSES?
OK so this summer I have 3 classes. The least number of classes since starting school. I am taking Philosophy, Pathophysiology/Pharmacology, and Intro to Health Information Management. Thats all I'm going to say, leave me alone yall
Career dreams
&
Glowing Pains
Do I need to hook up the land line because WHAT IS MY CALLING?!
Help! I'm escaping medical burnout and trying to break into different avenues of success. Is this you too? Since realizing doing direct patient care was not where I saw myself at long-term, I've been on a steadfast path toward what really piques my interest. Trial and error, every day.
I've been experimenting with different options to discover what truly energizes me.
Update.
(Pretend I inserted a deep breath before saying all of this, because frankly my mind is everywhere)
I did not light Real Estate like i thought I would, girl. It was fun, I think I will still keep my license but all the running around I had to do with everything I already had going on was crazy af. I definitely had me feeling like the little fish in the big pond. Even though it's been a full year since my move I still don't have like, solid connections to lead to genuine leads. And farming my area, man, listen, I'm going to sleep ok?
So it got so bad that I even applied for several Law enforcement jobs lol. Yes, put your hands behind your back, because I was on some other shit. Anything solidified appealed to me at that point, sorry. I was having what I call "Career Insecurity". I know I am in college for a reason but I still wasn't convinced of my path so I was trying to create a option or escape for myself in another position or field. Crazy right? Well I tried it several times. I really need to just earn to trust the process and stay the course. As soon as something feels weird to me, I'm on Indeed looking up how to be a parttime astronaut.
"Become a Career Woman", SCAM! Zero Stars
Options?
Job Available to me after graduation
Degree: Health Information Technology (AOS)
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Health information technician
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Medical coder
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Health services administrator
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Clinical informaticist
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Systems analyst
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IT analyst
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Programmer analyst
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Analytics consultant
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Director of Health Information Technology (IT) Planning and Operations
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Education and Training Director
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Electronic Medical Records (EMR) Director
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Health Information Exchange Integration Analyst
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Health Information Management Exchange Specialist
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Information Management Specialist
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Information Technology Auditor
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Knowledge Management Specialist